A Quick Fix
by C van Zyl
Summary: "Why don't we start with why you're here?" the middle-aged woman sitting across from me prompted me in a calm voice. "I'm here because you're supposed to fix me." After waking up in the hospital after the fire, Julian is now faced with the task of dealing with the consequences of Hell Night; and it's turning out to be an ordeal in and of itself. Based on CP Coulter's 'Dalton'.
1. Chapter 1- KAREN FREAKING PHLEM

**DISCLAIMER:****I do not own anything related to Glee or 'Dalton' by CP Coulter.**

Author's Note: Hi, I'm Cloey and this is my latest story :) I've finished the whole thing so there shouldn't be much delay between updates. I guess I started writing this without much direction, I just knew I didn't want it to be Julian crying a bit and then going back to school and immediately getting together with Logan. I know how tired I am of those stories and I know that I'm a hypocrite because I've written them myself before. But I'm, hopefully, improving every time I write a new story and this is just another attempt at something that I hope one day I'll be able to achieve. When I wrote this chapter, I didn't have much direction, it's developed into a story that looks at Julian's PTSD and how he works through that. But I'm not very knowledgeable about PTSD and when I wrote most of this I didn't even think about having his symptoms point towards a specific disorder. After editing and such, I added in a couple of things to make it look like it was PTSD all along. Anyway, sorry for the rambling, let's get on with it! Enjoy!

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**Chapter 1- KAREN FREAKING PHLEM**

"Why don't we start with why you're here?" the middle-aged woman sitting across from me prompted me in a calm voice. Just the fact that she was calm and I was not seemed to piss me off.

"I'm here because you're supposed to fix me." I said in an angry tone. She closed her eyes for a second as if she was thinking about something before opening them again and smiling as if I had said something naïvely funny, "No, Julian. Neither I, nor anyone else for that matter, can 'fix you'. I, as well as friends and family, can help and encourage you but in the end, if you so choose, you'll have to fix yourself."

I felt even angrier after hearing her words. She _couldn't_ fix me? My mother and Carmen had assured me that "Dr. Karen Fleming" would be able to help me move on, would be able to help me get through all of the shit(I had later been told was called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) I had in my life, that she would be able to _fix me_. I wasn't stupid, of course I knew it wouldn't be as simple as I would have liked, but nevertheless it was the only option I had. I didn't have people to talk to. Or more like, I didn't _want _to talk to people about my problems. But I still wanted them to go away. What I wanted was a quick fix. So that was the one and only reason that I agreed to meet with Dr. _Flaming_, or "Karen" as she'd asked me to call her.

I avoided her eyes by scanning her office in the hospital where I was still staying. The betrayal and disappointment was mixed with the sheer anger at my plans of being fixed having just been smashed to bits by Karen freaking _Phlem_. In the spur of the moment, I glared at her once more and said in a childishly spiteful voice, "Then why the hell am I even here? If you can't fix me then this was a whole big waste of my time. I might as well be in L.A because _according to you_, I can 'fix myself'!" Even though I knew I was being rude and diva-ish, I thought I might as well not try to apologise to her and seem weak and instead I got to my feet and, shooting her an extra glare, I made my dramatic exit by storming off back to my room.

* * *

I had been back in my room, lying in bed for less than an hour before Carmen came to bother me again, clearly having heard about my behaviour at my meeting with Dr. _Flamenco_.

She faked a concerned look of sympathy as she entered and greeted me. Luckily, the expression only lasted half a minute before she cut the crap and got to the point. This kind of attitude reminded me of why I liked Carmen, it meant that she wasn't going to waste my time about stupid stuff that no one gave a crap about. She said what she needed to say and didn't mince her words or try to mollycoddle me. She was my agent, not my mother or fan; of which I had plenty. She was here because this was her job. Sure, she wasn't cold or distant but she was only as friendly as one might be to a work colleague.

Sitting down on the chair next to my bed and pulling out a very organised-looking organiser, she began, "I heard your meeting with Dr. Fleming didn't go as planned."

After glaring at the ceiling for a moment longer, I gave her a sour look. As much as I normally respected Carmen, I was still angry as hell and she was the closest thing I could rant to, "You and the rest of the people in this stupid hospital lied to me. You all said that she would fix me but all that shrink could tell me was that I have to fix myself." I turned my eyes and attention back to the ceiling and wondered what Carmen would do if I ordered her to get the hell out of my room and leave me alone.

Carmen sighed and said as I continued to stare at the white ceiling, "Julian, you know that some woman can't magically solve all of your…" Carmen didn't finish the sentence and my anger spiked at her hesitation to just fucking say it. I turned my face back to her and spat out, "My what? Huh? Say it, Carmen! My _issues_, my _problems_. I'm not a kid, I know that I'm completely screwed up. That's why I need to get rid of them. ASAP."

My words had the desired effect and she looked uncomfortable. Well, at least she wasn't going to try and repeat any of Dr. _Flame_'s stupid theories. While she was feeling uncomfortable, I struggled to calm my anger down to a tired simmer and said, "Look, I just want to get out of this hospital. And this town. I want to go back to L.A and then try to deal with…all of this there." My voice held the tiredness that I was pretty sure was starting to show on my face. I hadn't slept in days and my waking moments were plagued by the shame that I felt at what had happened in the fire and the guilt at the fact that people had been injured and seriously messed up by the events in the fire that was, when it boiled down to it, _all my fault_. And Mr. Harvey had… Another punch of guilt hit me in the stomach and the sick feeling that had lessened to a dull ache over the past few hours returned in full force.

Carmen was silent and looked even more uncomfortable at my words. "Uh, actually, I was just speaking to Dr. Fleming and she was saying that it would be better if you stayed in Ohio…and went back to Dalton. Your mom agreed and she's making plans with the school to get you back onto campus as soon as you're feeling up to it."

I stared, the anger at Dr. _Flannel_ ruining my plan of escaping my pain bubbled to the surface, "Did you not just hear what I said? I need to leave Ohio!" my voice shook with anger and frustration.

"Dr. Fleming says that in cases such as yours, it's better for the patient to face their pain head on and not avoid it-"

Carmen tried to explain but I cut her off, not giving two shits about her reasoning, "I'm not going back to Dalton. End of story." I stubbornly refused to even consider any other argument. This was my life and my pain and there was no way I was going to let a shrink tell me what I should and should not do.

"If you don't deal with your issues, you'll never be able to move on-" Carmen tried again.

"Stop telling me what to do! I'm _your_ boss, remember? You're not here to interfere with my private decisions! You're here to do your job so fucking do it and get me a flight back to L.A!" I shouted at her, spitting the words angrily in her face. My fury and depression and guilt and every other negative feeling I had the misfortune to endure concentrated themselves into my words and Carmen was shocked into silence. I was a diva and I shouted and threw fits from time to time but never had I screamed at her in such a way. She wisely decided to leave me in peace and closed her organiser quickly before briskly evacuating my room. I sank back into the pillows and gave an abrupt and absurd gasp of laughter at my unbelievable situation before collapsing into tears and letting the uncontrolled sobs wreck my body as the wild array of emotions mashed together and I blacked out into a fitful sleep brought on by only the purest of exhaustion.

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Author's Note: I would love to get some feedback in a review! Next chapter might only be in a couple of weeks because I'm in the middle of my trials(exams) and I'm only posting this because I can't go on youtube right now... -Cloey :)


	2. Chapter 2- SCREAMING AND TALKING

**DISCLAIMER:****I do not own anything related to Glee or 'Dalton' by CP Coulter.**

Author's Note: Hi, I'm taking a quick break from studying and am updating this because I couldn't hold myself back. Hope you enjoy!

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**Chapter 2**

_**SCREAMING AND TALKING**_

I was left alone for the next two days to stew in my thoughts. I guessed my mother and Carmen thought it might be better for me to have a while to calm down and think rationally about my previous decision on my own. I could hear Dr. _Flag_ advising them in her stupid shrink-ish voice that it would be a good idea to let me be for the time being and that eventually I would come around to their plan of me returning to Dalton. Well, Dr. _Flabby_ clearly didn't know Julian Larson. If she did then she'd know quite well that, as a by-product of being a hot and famous celebrity, I was one of the most stubborn people I knew. And that included Logan Wright. Subconsciously, my heart jumped at just the thought of him. But then, my memories caught up with me and I was suddenly back in that burning Art Hall, the smell of thick smoke and blood filled my nose and I could see Logan's green eyes illuminated by confusion, horror and fear as I forced the painful words out of my mouth.

"…_I'm in love with you."_

My words rang out clearly in my mind, Logan had looked so pained…He had tried to beg and plead with me to stop talking.

"_Shut up-!" _

His screams echoed and I could see the tears running down his perfect face. My heart was breaking, everything around me was going up in flames, the whole world was cracking, and I could feel myself becoming unhinged. Nothing- nothing made sense: this wasn't how it was supposed to go. I had said goodbye to Logan, I had said goodbye to him _forever_. I was supposed to leave him when he fell asleep after I sang to him. And then Adam had broken everything. My pain turned to pained-anger and my fists curled around the sheets I was lying in. Adam's awful face swam before my eyes and I craved a release of all of my pain. I needed something… needed to get rid of it. A scream tore from my lips and I screwed up my eyes as I heard the sound reverberating around the white hospital room. I kept screaming and screaming, alternating from tearing at the sheets to tearing at my hair in order to somehow distract myself from the memories or to rid myself of them or _whatever_. Nothing was working and I felt tears prickle in my screwed up eyes. Soon, at the sound of my screaming, two nurses burst into my room and tried to calm me down. The touch of one of their hands on my arm startled me out of my panic and I jumped, saw that it was a nurse and that I was still in the fucking hospital and immediately broke down into anguished sobs. Curling into a ball under the covers, I begged the nurse who was standing over me, panicking and trying to figure out what to do, to give me some painkillers or a sedative or _something_. She finally gave me what I needed and I sank into the slumber I craved.

* * *

"So, ready to try this again?"

I was back in Dr. _Flail's_ office, sitting opposite the middle-aged woman with the annoyingly calm voice.

I sighed as if it was the biggest mission ever to be there (and it _was_, trust me), "Guess I don't really have a choice."

She gave a tiny frown and reprimanded me in a careful voice, "You always have a choice, Julian."

"I don't always though, do I? I mean, when I was in that building I didn't have any choice about if I wanted to tell-" I cut my rant short, not wanting the horrible memories to get a hold of me again like they had the day before (although, that being said, the memories never really let me out of their hold…). "I need help. And…" I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and said grudgingly, "And I can't do it by myself. I need your help."

She nodded as if she had known this already, she even had the guts to look a little smug: as if she had been right all along. "You know it won't be easy… or quick."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat again and relented, "Yeah, I know. Just- help me already, okay?"

She gave a small grin, showing me some remarkably white teeth. Wait, was she _laughing_ at me? "Of course I'll help you, Julian. That's what I'm here to do. Now… why don't you carry on that train of thought you were about to tell me?"

I stared at her blankly.

"The one about the building and how you didn't have a choice…?" She prompted. Oh hell. She wanted me to tell her about the Art Hall? About… my _confession_!? No fucking way was I going to tell her about something that was so intensely painful to even think about that I had had a breakdown over it the previous day. Did she want me to start screaming again or something?

"No," I said in a hard voice. She raised her eyebrows, almost as if she was daring me to tell her, "I don't want to think about that. I don't want-" I cut myself off before any of the memories came back, "Besides, I can't start in the middle of the story." I said dismissively, as if she was crazy to even think such a thing.

"Okay, so start at the beginning." She said, as if this was obvious. _God, she's annoying. But maybe…_ I was an actor after all, and acting was a form of telling stories so I guess I should be good at this.

I gave another sigh and thought back to a time that didn't make me want to start screaming, "It was at the beginning of the school year…"

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A/N: Review! And the next update will coming soon!- Cloey


	3. Chapter 3- STEPS IN THE WRONG DIRECTION

**DISCLAIMER:****I do not own anything related to Glee or Dalton by CP Coulter.**

Author's Note: Hi, my exams end next week so I should be updating this and other stories faster. Hope you guys enjoy!

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**Chapter 3**

_**STEPS IN THE WRONG DIRECTION**_

Carmen was pacing. Something she did only when she was feeling most stressed. "But from what Dr. Fleming has told us, you've been doing really well in your sessions."

She and my mother were still trying desperately to get me to return to Dalton. They thought that because I had come around to the idea of the shrink-sessions, and had been attending them fairly regularly, that I was now also ready to suddenly forget my resolve not to go back to school and give into their crazy scheme of my Dalton return as well.

"I'm not going. How many times do I have to say it?" I was starting to get a headache from all of the pointless repeating that I had to do. All of my conversations with my mother and Carmen went the same way: They would initiate some polite small-talk, then congratulate me on my so-called 'progress' with Dr. _Flambé_ before telling me that they thought I was ready to go back to Dalton. Then I spent another hour of wasted time arguing with them about the subject.

This happened at least once a day and I was reaching my patience-limit…not that I had a large one to begin with.

"It may not seem like a good idea now but you'll-" She began but I cut her off, sick and tired of this.

"Thank you for it later? Realise how wrong I was to argue against you? Carmen, look, you and my mother are going about this whole thing all wrong. If you want me to 'see reason' or whatever, then you need to stop berating me. I got the message, now just leave me alone. I'm not going to agree now but maybe I'll come round the idea when I'm not planning your murders because you're pissing me off so much. Now please just go away. I'm tired, I have a headache and I have another shrink-session in three hours."

I lay back down, turning over to my side with my back facing her and tried to pretend like she wasn't still there. It must have worked because I heard her exit the room quietly a few minutes later.

* * *

"Good afternoon, Julian. Feeling better than yesterday?" Dr. _Flake_ asked me as I sat down. Let's just say the previous day hadn't been one of my best…

"Not really. Carmen came to visit me again." I ran a hand over my face tiredly. One of the best things about Dr. _Flagged_, and trust me, there weren't many- I still hated her, was that she never tried to convince me to go back to Dalton like Carmen and my mother did. She had made progress in our sessions as well. She was getting better at not making me want to kill myself out of anger and frustration. That being said, I still thought she was one of the most idiotic and annoying people on the face of the earth and I often walked out of the sessions because I couldn't stand her anymore but I will admit that my storm-outs weren't occurring as regularly has they had been a couple of weeks ago. I guess there was something to be said for telling a random woman stories about your life.

"Ah…" she nodded briefly, clearly understanding that a visit from Carmen or my mother had become a source of anger for me. At least she was starting to understand how I worked. Not even the two most important women in my life could understand that. "So, let's not even talk about that, shall we?" She suggested, wisely and crossed her legs. Wow, she _was_ learning. A little smidgen of affection for Dr. _Flap-jack_ shot through me but I quickly repressed the small gratified smile that almost appeared on my lips. Yikes, what the hell was _that_!? Clearly I was more messed up than even I had previously thought.

"Tell me more about the boys at Dalton." She said and opened her notebook, the same one that I had been trying to catch a glimpse inside of to find out what she had been writing about me.

"The boys are divided into day-boys and boarders. The day-boys are in the Lancaster house. There are three boarding houses: Stuart, Windsor and Hanover. There are mainly boarders though. I'm- I _was_ in Stuart. The best house, _obviously_. The Stuarts are perfectionists. We have to be the best at everything. And we mainly are. I guess we're pretty vain sometimes, but we can afford to be. Not like the WIndsors. They are just childish. They're always trying to pull one over on us Stuarts. They think that because they are weirdoes, that they can do anything they want. They're the misfits of the school. Hanovers are the boring ones. They're the Switzerland to Stuart and Windsor's war. They're the goodie-two-shoes. Or at least, they're too boring to really notice most of the time."

I guess there was something about being given the opportunity to talk that made me able to ramble on and on. You'd think that being a celebrity might mean that people were asking me my opinion on stuff all the time. And they were, to an extent… but it was always about other celebrities. _Who are you dating? _Or,_ what movie are you taking?_ At Dalton I was under Logan's shadow. I wasn't around that much but when I was, I was asked my opinion on Logan's new boy-toy. _What is he saying about me? What should I wear on my next date?_ Either that or getting lectured by Derek. _You have to tell him, Jules! _Or,_ why are you leaving again?_ This was the first time I was properly able to just…let all of my feelings out. I didn't have to bottle them up for of my usual excuses: because Logan didn't know I was in love with him or because none of my celebrity friends wanted to talk about my lame school.

"So you're only friends with Stuarts?" she asked, sounding actually interested in what I was saying. I wasn't sure whether that was because I was her patient and it was her job or whether it was because she was actually interested.

I gave a little chuckle, "No," I paused for a moment, thinking of Kurt, "well… I suppose you couldn't call it a friendship…"

"Who was it?" she prompted, and rightly so since I probably would never have freely spoken of Kurt without her asking me about it. Kurt was too connected with Logan and Logan was one of the things I had promised myself I would steer well clear of.

I hesitated, not sure if I wanted to go too close to the figurative fire, "Uh, he-his name's Kurt. I mean, I talked to boys from other houses but he was the only one I guess I could call a sort-of-friend."

"And you had a thing for him, right?" she asked, a small, knowing smile on her face. I looked up from where I had been staring, at the carpet. "_What!?_" I gave a chuckle, before seeing her confused face and it turned into a full-fledged laugh until I was clutching my stomach and laughing my head off at the absurd thought that I would ever have a 'thing' for Kurt Hummel. Not only did the disgusting-ness of me and Kurt as a couple made me giggle but the irony of the fact he was the guy that Logan was in love with made me laugh with a bitter ache in my chest at the brief thought of Logan and Kurt as a couple. My laughing came to an abrupt end once that picture had sprang into my head. I blinked quickly to get rid of any tears that might have been gathering in my eyes and pushed the thought far from my mind.

"Kurt is definitely _not_ my type. He's also already taken…" I said quickly and Dr. _Flare_ gave a smile and a nod of understanding while a mutter escaped me before I could stop it, "not that that stopped him."

Unfortunately for me, she heard me and immediately asked, "Not that what stopped who?"

"Nothing, never mind." I said quickly. "Anyway, Kurt and I were kind o-" I tried to hastily distract her with more stories of Kurt and my weird-friendship-thing but she was too quick and wasn't so easily put off.

"No, tell me. Clearly it's important." She leaned forward in her chair and I squirmed uncomfortably under her gaze.

"It's nothing. I don't even know why I said that." I said, trying to dismiss it. Again, she didn't take it and instead stared at me some more and waited patiently for me to continue. I glanced around the office, down at my hands, wondering if I should just quickly run away and that if I did, whether or not she would try to bring up the subject the next day.

Glancing up at her and finding that she was still staring, still waiting, I said quietly, "Screw this. I told you, it's _nothing_, okay?" I got to my feet and was out of the door before she could even answer.

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A/N: If you can, please review:D Next chapter coming soon! -Cvz


	4. Chapter 4- NIGHTMARES

**DISCLAIMER****: I do not own anything related to Glee or Dalton by CP Coulter. **

Author's Note: Hi, exams finished yesterday so (even though I am dead on my feet and only feel like creeping into bed and hibernating for the next couple of weeks), I decided I had better update so here you go, chapter 4! Finally this story is getting somewhere! Enjoy!

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**Chapter 4**

_**NIGHTMARES**_

_Kurt is standing in front of me. I wonder why I am back at Dalton when I had resisted so adamantly. "Kurt, what's going on? Why I am at Dalton?" I ask him since he is seemingly the only one around. He gives a smile, a sickly sweet smile that makes my skin crawl. _

"_I called you here, Julian." His voice sends shivers up my spine. Why is he being so creepy, what is going on? "I called you here because you need to know."_

"_I need to know what?" I glance around at the deathly quiet school, "What's going on?" I repeat, frightened and nervous. _

_Suddenly, a tall figure appears behind me and moves towards Kurt. Logan and Kurt meet and grasp at each other, leaning towards each other to kiss passionately. I look on in horror as they continue, ignoring me standing in front of them. Logan breaks away from the kiss to grin malevolently at me, "Kurt loves me too, Julian. We're together." _

_I gasp for air, confused and hurt, "But what about Blaine? Kurt, you love Blaine!" _

_Kurt shakes his head and laughs before caressing Logan's face with pawing hands, "I love Logan and only Logan. He never cared about you. No one cared about you. It was only me. I am the only one he thinks about now."_

"_No, Logan, this isn't right. You can't love him. He has Blaine. Logan!" they ignore me as they turn back to each other and start to kiss again, this time more ferociously. I stare for a second longer, a sob escaping from my throat before I turn and run. The school is deserted and quiet except for the moans that I can still hear Kurt and Logan making behind me. I don't want to think about what they're doing but they're groans fill my ears. I turn a corner and suddenly I see the Art Hall in front of me, burning. I stutter to a halt and stare up at the giant flames licking their way up to the third floor. I turn to run away from it but crash into Adam, who is grinning evilly at me, "Julian, now we can be together. Kurt and Logan are in love but you still have me. I love you, Jules." The sound of him calling me 'Jules' sends me running from him. But I stop in shock as I'm suddenly in Stuart House, in Logan's room and Kurt and Logan are on his bed, their moans growing louder in my ears. I try to run but I'm rooted to the spot, forced to watch the scene unfold before me. Naked and sweating, they are moving in unison, Kurt with his legs wrapped around Logan's waist, Logan leaning over Kurt, kissing him. Kurt looks over Logan's shoulder and meets my eyes, his expression breaks into one of pure ecstasy and he groans loudly. _

"_LOGAN!" I scream, unheard by either him or Kurt. I squeeze my eyes shut and try once more to run but can't. I can't move. "No! _LOGAN-!"

I broke out of my dream and sat up, gasping for air. I was sweating and there appeared to be tears on my cheeks. I ripped off the covers and got out of bed in order to rid myself of the memory of the nightmare. I paced around the room, but calming myself down was fruitless. Instead I pulled on some clothes and quietly left my room. I made it a couple of metres down the hall before a nurse on a night shift stopped me. I gasped and wrenched my arm out of her reach, spun around, grabbed her by the throat and slammed her against the wall. Her terrified expression broke me out of my thoughts and I realised the position I was in. Horrified, I jumped away from her as if she has burned me and I began to apologize profusely. Shakily, she assured me that it was alright, before leading me back to my room and making sure that I was back in bed. I spent the rest of the night trying to name animals in alphabetical order so that I didn't fall asleep or think about Logan, Kurt or anything related to Dalton.

* * *

It was getting time for me to leave the hospital. I had been there long enough and I no longer needed to be taken care of by the doctors. I was physically healthy again. Mentally though… My nightmares were getting worse and I was beginning to do anything to stop myself from falling asleep. I skipped my appointments with Dr. _Flash-mob_ so that I wouldn't have to deal with any of her questions about Kurt and Logan and feigned being asleep when my mother or Carmen showed up for visits. Ever since the nightmare about Kurt and Logan, I struggled to find other things to think about because the moment I let my thoughts wander, they went straight back to the fact that Kurt and Logan were back at Dalton together and that they were probably now a couple and all thought of me was out the window. The progress that I thought I had made at my meetings with the shrink was now quickly diminishing and I felt myself losing myself and my sanity again.

After five days of shutting myself up, I began to wonder whether maybe my mother and Carmen would reconsider letting me go back to L.A. Clearly I was not going to budge in my not-going-back-to-Dalton opinion and the shrink wasn't helping. So when I heard the door open and my mother enter, I sat up in bed and didn't pretend to be sleeping again. Happily surprised to see me awake, she smiled and said, "I'm glad you're awake, darling. Look who's here to see you."

Derek walked into my room behind her and I immediately glared at them both, my slighty-bettter mood completely gone. "I told you, I don't want any visitors." I said to my mother, ignoring Derek completely.

She didn't answer and instead left the room quickly, closing the door behind her. I looked down at my hands, which were resting on the covers of my bed. Thinking quickly, I evaluated the situation: Derek wasn't going to leave if I asked him to, he was almost as stubborn as I was. I wasn't going to talk to him because I had clearly told my mother that I didn't want to see anyone and I wasn't going to let her think that it didn't matter if she just overruled me and my decisions. That left only one option: I had to leave. Getting up, I pulled on a hoodie before quickly rushing to the door before Derek could stop me. He was faster and locked the door and stood in front of it with his arms crossed over his chest and an unamused expression on his face.

"Get out of the way." I said, trying to push past him.

"No." he said, just as determined as I was.

I glared at him and changed my plan of action. As I couldn't leave, I was just going to have to make him want to leave. "I don't want you here."

"You've made that quite clear, thanks." He didn't move from his position in front of the door and so I sat down on one of the chairs next to my bed. There was a brief pause of silence as I planned how I was going to get him out of the room, "I'm going back to L.A soon so you're wasting your time trying to tell me whatever it is you're here to say."

He raised an eyebrow, "You're coming back to Dalton." I opened my mouth to argue with him but he spoke again before I had the chance to say anything, "It's your home, Jules. And we're your family."

I gave a short chuckle, "My _family_?"

"You've said it yourself before. More of a family than those people in Hollywood have ever been."

I shook my head at his audacity to come here and tell me what _I_ apparently had said, "I've never had a family. No matter what you seem to think."

Derek took a step towards me and away from the door, "You _are_ part of our family." He hesitated, took a breath and said, "Look, I know that a lot of shit has happened but no matter what, Dalton is still your home and we still care about you. And that includes Log-"

"_Stop!_" I shouted abruptly, louder than I had expected to but it got the point across and Derek did stop and let me continue, "Do _not_ say his name! D'you know that I can't even _think_ about him or K-" I stopped myself from saying his name either as the memories of my nightmares flashed in my mind, "-or anyone else. Or else I lose it. I-" again I broke off and took another deep breath, "How am I supposed to go back there and face everyone?! _How?_" tears sprang to my eyes as I leant forward with elbows on knees and my head in my hands, straining myself, trying to get rid of the visions of Kurt and Logan together out of my head.

Derek blinked at me a couple of times, taking in me and my clearly not very stable state of mind. "I know that you think you know what's best for yourself, but you don't. You need to face your demons, Jules." I lifted my head to glare at him and his theories of me 'facing my demons'. What the hell did he know anyway? Not deterred by my tears or glare he bravely continued, "Just come back for a day. _One day_. That's all I'm asking for. And then, at the end of it, you can leave and go to L.A if that's what you want. But you're not going to get better if you don't try to-"

I cut him off, angry and depressed and heartbroken all in one. My emotions were all over the place and I sprang to my feet to confront him, "I _have _been trying!" I screamed at him, encroaching on his space, "I fucking _have_ been trying! I went to a shrink and tried to talk about it but it didn't work! Nothing is working and everything is getting worse while Logan and Kurt live happily ever after at Dalton with the rest of you all perfectly fine and okay with the fact that I'm _stuck_ here!" I shoved him away from me, tears running down my face, screaming and spitting my words at him, "I can't sleep, I can't talk to anyone and I can't even trust _myself_ anymore!" I gave an absurd and inappropriate cackle as Derek watched me with wary eyes, "You know, I nearly attacked a fucking nurse the other day!? Maybe I should have, maybe then they would have locked me up like the _freak _that I am-!" my voice hitched at the word freak and I collapsed from exhaustion and anger and heartbreak, Derek rushed forward to catch me and I curled into his arms, sobbing and burying my head against his chest. I craved the touch of another human after isolating myself with just my thoughts to keep me company, "Shh, Jules, relax." Derek held me against him, rubbing circles on my back and speaking softly, "Everything will be fine. Just come back to Dalton and we'll fix you. I promise, we'll help you."

* * *

A/N: Hope you liked the chapter! Next chapter is exciting, so look forward to that! -Cloey


	5. Chapter 5- FIRSTS AND LASTS

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything related to Glee or Dalton by CP Coulter.**

Author's Note: H, a big thanks to those of you who have been kind enough leave reviews, favourite and follow this fic. This is chapter 5 and it's quite a important one because it sets up a couple of important issues in the story. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 5**

_**FIRSTS AND LASTS**_

I was holding hands with Dwight. Dwight Houston of Windsor house. _How the hell did this happen?!_

* * *

_Eight hours earlier…_

The car pulled up through the gates of Dalton. My mother was gripping my hand but I barely noticed because my breaths shortened and I could feel myself start to sweat. Somehow, Derek had convinced me. All I had to do was get through one day at Dalton and then I was free to leave for L.A. My mother and Carmen had given into his plan because it was absolutely the only way that I was going to be setting foot anywhere near the school. In my mind, to distract myself as the car stopped and my mother said goodbye and kissed my cheek, handing me my bag and telling me that she would be waiting here with the car at three, I thought about the flight to L.A that I was certain I could be on by this evening.

Derek was waiting for me along with Ramsey and Murdoch as I got out of the car.

"Welcome back, Julian." Ramsey said and I was forced to give her and Murdoch a handshake but couldn't manage a smile for fear of grimacing. Instead, I gravitated towards Derek, who I knew would understand why I was so quiet.

"I'll take him to our first lesson." He said and, taking me by the arm, steered me away from the teachers.

Once we were out of their sight, I stopped walking and Derek turned to face me. Luckily, the day had barely begun and there weren't any other boys walking around yet, as they were probably still eating breakfast.

"Derek, I can't do this. I thought I could but I can't." I said frantically, grasping his arm and leaning against a wall. I had been in the school for less than five minutes and already I was having a panic attack. Derek pulled me into another one of his comforting hugs and said quietly, "It's just one day. Just one day, Jul-"

"Cheshire Cat!" two identical voices broke our moment of quiet and the Brightman twins came bounding up to us. Derek pulled away from me to turn and see them approach but this only allowed the twins the opportunity to gather me into a giant bear hug. I was taken completely by surprise so it wasn't until Derek said angrily, "You guys! What did I tell you yesterday? Let him go!" and I was let go by the twins that I remembered that they had been in the fire. I averted my eyes as they let me go but ignored Derek otherwise, "How have you been?" one of them, maybe Ethan- I wasn't sure, asked excitedly.

"All healed up we see-" the other one, Evan maybe, said.

"Which is good because-"

"We were starting to miss our Cheshire Cat-"

"But we know someone else-"  
"Who's been missing you even more-"

"Poor Kna-"

"_Shut up, _you idiots!" Derek shouted at them. I flinched, at the fact that they had almost mentioned Logan and at Derek's sudden shout. The twins looked sheepish and turned back to me, speaking more quietly and sincerely, "We're glad you're back, Julian."

They left quickly, after Derek shot another glare at them and I sank to the ground, my face in my hands. If this was how I was going to be welcomed back, with loud voices and awkward mentions of Logan, then I couldn't see myself lasting very long before having a breakdown.

"Forget about them, Jules. They're the twins. You know how they are. I told everyone not to mention… anything that might make you freak out again so…" he faded off and I quickly blinked the tears out of my eyes, looked up and tried to be strong. _Only one day. And then I can leave forever._

* * *

We got to Derek's first lesson, French, ten minutes early. The teacher wasn't even there yet, thank goodness. We took two seats at the back of the classroom, where I was least likely to be noticed by anyone. French was one of the best first lessons that I could have had to endure because, according to Derek, there were mainly Hanovers in this class. Nice, neutral Hanovers who I didn't know that well. When the boys inevitably arrived, I kept my eyes down, pretending to stare interestedly at the blank piece of paper in front of me. I could feel the stares boring into every inch of my body. Like I was under a microscope. The whispers of "Is that _Julian Larson_?" and "Where the hell has he been?" filled my ears. I glanced up at Derek to see him shoot me a look that was supposed to be calming but only made me feel more sick. I almost bolted for the door but was stopped by Derek's hand on my arm.

The teacher came in and class began. No one listened to a word the woman said. The other boys were still whispering about me and shooting curious glances back at me, Derek was glaring at them and silently telling them to knock it off and I was busy trying not to have another panic attack.

As soon as class ended, I finally made my escape and almost ran out of the classroom. But my plan backfired as I found myself in a hallway full of more gossiping boys, sending me shocked glances. Caught off guard, I ducked my head and turned around to wait for Derek to find me. He did and together we made our way to History in silence. We took a long route to get to the classroom to avoid the crowds. In History, there were many more Stuarts and several of them decided to come and say hello to me, including Bailey Tipton, one of the nicer Stuarts. I tried to be civil but I couldn't find it in myself to smile. I was too tightly wound from trying to ignore all of the whispers and stares as well as trying to keep myself from crying by imagining that the day was over, I was getting fetched by my mother and driving to the airport.

By the time lunch came around, I was almost at my wit's end. Derek agreed that there was no way that I could handle being at lunch with everyone else there. So instead I sat outside while he collected some lunch for us to eat. When he came to meet me where I was sitting far away from the buildings or people, he looked stoney-faced and clearly fuming.

"What's wrong?" I asked as he sat down and passed me a sandwich.

He shook his head as an indication that he didn't want to talk about it and we ate in silence for a while.

"Seriously, Derek, what is it?" I said after the silence began to become awkward.

He looked uncomfortable for a few moments before saying reluctantly, "I talked to…" he didn't finish the sentence but I knew who he was talking about.

"Oh." I said, trying hard not to think about him. Sick curiosity got the better of me though, "How…uh-how is he?" I asked quickly, not sure if I really wanted to hear anything about him. I knew I wasn't ready to think about him yet.

Derek looked at me in surprise, clearly unsure of what to say or do, "Are you sure you want me to tell you?"

"No." I said honestly, my sandwich long forgotten. Derek didn't say anything for a while before breaking the silence again, "He wants to see you." He said this slowly and tentatively. My insides squirmed and my breathing became ragged as I struggled to control the awful memories. I didn't say anything and we left the subject at that.

* * *

I didn't see anyone of importance until the last lesson of the day, Literature. Both Logan and Kurt were in this class. I begged Derek to let me skip it since no one would really notice if I wasn't there anyway but he put his foot down. "You've survived almost the whole day. Just this and then you can leave, but I'm not letting you bunk. We'll sit in the back just like every other lesson, okay? But we have a deal, remember? And you're not breaking it now. Come on, we'll be late."

I didn't have much left in me to put up more of a fight, the day having drained me of almost all of my energy. We arrived at the classroom early again and sat at the back, just like he had said we would. I escaped to my fantasy where I was getting off the plane in L.A and it was sunny and I was finally free.

Logan arrived just as Murdoch did and, spotting me and Derek (I looked down in a hurry to avoid looking at him or, _God forbid,_ meet his eyes!), made his way to the back of the classroom to sit in the empty seat next to me. How could Derek and I have forgotten to make sure that there were no empty seats nearby us?! Before he got very far, though, Kurt (who had entered the classroom just before him) grabbed his arm and steered him towards two empty seats directly in front of Derek and me. As scared as I was at the idea of Logan sitting next to me, I glared at Kurt's hand which was still on Logan's arm. How _dare_ Kurt touch Logan in front of me! As the class began, memories of my dream, the one with Kurt and Logan, swam before my eyes. Anger clouded my senses and I felt Derek's hand on my arm, trying to calm me down as I had started to shake with rage. I shrugged it off and continued to stare at the two people in front of me. Logan glanced back at Derek and I quickly dropped my gaze, tears springing to prickle in the corner of my eyes. I glanced back up just in time to see Kurt glance over at Logan and shake his head, sending a silent message to Logan. Logan took a deep breath and nodded before smiling at him. My worst nightmares, literally, were playing out right in front of my eyes. Logan and Kurt, together, having a secret conversation, sitting closer than necessary and flaunting their relationship in front of my eyes. Logan was in love with Kurt. He always would be. He had said that Kurt was different, more than just a crush like Blaine and Joshua. Kurt was 'the one'. Kurt was amazing, Kurt was talented, Kurt Kurt Kurt!

I looked down just in time so that my tears missed my cheeks and fell directly onto the paper in front of me. Derek saw this and tried to whisper, "Jules-"

"_NO!_" I screamed over him. Noticing the silence that followed, I realised that I had screamed louder and more ferociously than I had expected and that everyone, including Murdoch, was staring at me in shock. Except for Logan, I noticed once I had scanned the classroom with a hurried glance. He was staring down at his own paper. I caught Kurt's eye for a second and that was the last straw.

I stood up abruptly and saying a small, "Excuse me." to Murdoch, I rushed out of the classroom. Derek stood as soon as I did and tried to stop me, "Julian-!" but it was Logan who stopped him and I heard him quietly tell Derek, "Let him go."

I ran out of the building and came face to face with another figure from my nightmares, the burned and ruined Art Hall. The blackened building was undergoing restoration but it still brought up the horrible memory of my dreams. Turning to run away, I was almost convinced that I would run into Adam just like in my dream. Instead, frightened out of my mind and still shaking with rage, I ran and ran until I came to a bench underneath a large and old tree. Collapsing onto it, I let myself go and the sobs came. The day had gone just like I had expected it to go: worse than imaginable. Everything reminded me of Logan. Kurt was flaunting his disgusting perfection in front of me and now, thinking about what had happened today, I didn't even know if L.A would help.

"Julian?" a surprised voice startled me and my head shot up. Instead of finding Derek there, or perhaps even Logan as might have been expected, I found Dwight. Dwight Houston. I thought back to before the fire to try and remember a time when I had actually spoken to Dwight. I couldn't think of one.

"Uh, hey. Dwight." I said, very embarrassed about my current state, sobbing on a bench like a baby. Even though I had been locked up in a hospital for the last few weeks, I was still Julian Larson and I still had some pride. Even if it was just Dwight. I quickly wiped at my face to get rid of the tears and snot that was probably covering my face. My anger and hurt was temporarily forgotten at the fact that I was now faced with having to talk to Dwight. Someone who I wasn't comfortable enough to cry or appear weak in front of.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, but didn't approach any closer. I sat up properly on the bench and cleared my throat, "I'm having a bit of a tough day." I said curtly.

He gave a nod, "Yeah, today's your first day back."

I gave a stiff nod back, starting to feel the awkwardness. What the hell was I supposed to say to that? "And my last."

"You're leaving?" he asked, surprised. Ugh, couldn't he leave me alone!? I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. I wanted to scream and cry and then leave for L.A.

"Yes. Leaving for L.A tonight, hopefully. For good." I tried to avoid his eyes, hoping that maybe if he realised that I was reluctant to talk to him, he would go. Today was clearly not my lucky day because he came a few steps closer. "Oh. Have you said goodbye yet?"

"To who?" I asked, without being able to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

He hesitated, clearly having remember Derek's order to not mention Logan or Kurt to me when I arrived. "To…everyone… in Stuart…"

I gave a chuckle, somehow finding something to laugh at while my heart was breaking all over again, "No. I don't need to say goodbye."

He looked confused and, to my anger, came to sit down on the bench next to me. It was going to be a lot harder to get him to leave once he was sitting down. "Of course you do," He said, "The Dalton boys are your family."

I blinked at him in surprise at his boldness. I never realised how brave he was. Because I was caught off guard by his bravery, I forgot to get angry at him for telling me that those boys that whispered and stared at me, not to mention Logan who I had been crying over just a couple of minutes ago, were my family. "Derek said that too. But it doesn't exactly feel like it."

"Why not?"

A spark of anger at his stupidity shot through me and I glared at him while spitting out, "Because family aren't supposed to make you feel like _shit_!"

Dwight was seemingly undeterred, "Why do you feel like shit?"

I paused, surprised once more by Dwight, why _did_ I feel like shit? I don't think anyone had ever asked me that since the fire, "Because… because it's all my fault…" I said quietly, tears filling my eyes once more. Dwight or no Dwight, I was still emotionally fragile and the memories were still as painful as hell.

"Hey, woah… Please don't- don't cry!" he said, panicking when he saw my tears. I gave another chuckle at his silliness and my pain was again temporarily lessened. At my chuckle, he looked more surprised and very wary.

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm still messed up after the fire."

"You have to stay, Julian." He said suddenly, surprising me once again.

"Why?"

"Because the boys here are the only ones who can help you through this." He gave me the biggest shock yet and took my hand in his, "You're not the only one who's messed up after the fire. Or the only one who blames themselves for what happened." He said quietly. Who did he mean? Himself? Or…Logan? Or everyone?

I looked down at our hands which were still joined. I was holding hands with Dwight. Dwight Houston of Windsor house. _How the hell did this happen?!_

Letting go of my hand and standing up before collecting a crossbow and a spray bottle that I hadn't even noticed were lying on the grass next to the bench, he turned to leave.

"Wait!" I called after him, wanting to thank him for…everything really, "Thanks… uh, I guess…"

He gave a smile, "No problem, Julian… Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and find the demon that the Tweedles said was lurking around here."

I watched him go, shaking my head in disbelief. Who would have guessed that Dwight Houston would be able to get me to forget about… everything that had made me cry and scream with frustration for the past few weeks? For the first time since the fire, I felt lighter. Less broken. I almost felt as if maybe he was right about staying at Dalton. Hell, if Dwight Houston could give me advice, then maybe there was still hope for the rest of the idiots in this school. Maybe even Dr. _Flavour_ could turn out to have some good advice. I got up from the bench and made my way to the car-park where my mother was waiting in the car. I got out my phone and before I could change my mind, I sent a text to Derek:

_Maybe I need more than one day. –J_

* * *

A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this chapter even though I was quite nervous writing the twins and Dwight for the first time:D What did you guys think of the scene between Dwight and Jules? If you have some time, a review would be lovely. Next chapter coming soon! -Cloey


	6. Chapter 6- DISTRACTIONS

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything related to Glee or Dalton by CP Coulter. **

Author's Note: hey everyone, sorry for the wait(if there was a particularly long wait). Honestly, I can't even remember and I'm in too much of a hurry to go and check when I posted chapter 5. Anyway, this is the next chapter, hope you guys enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 6**

_**DISTRACTIONS**_

The next morning found me feeling less excited about returning to Dalton than I had been the day before. My mom and Carmen were, of course, ecstatic at my decision to go back to school and I found that there was little way of backing out now. I arrived at the school half an hour before class started, trying my hardest to avoid everyone. I kept my head down and made my way quickly to Ramsey's office where I confirmed some details with the dean and Murdoch before rushing off to French to get there before everyone else and ensuring that I got one of the seats in the back row once more. I was officially a day-boy. Returning to Dalton had been a mission in and of itself, never mind adding 'living at the school' to the list of things that initiated panic attacks. I would attend classes as per usual but after school, along with the rest of the day-boys, I would leave campus and return in the morning.

Derek appeared a few minutes before the rest of the class and he couldn't keep the grin off his face. At least one of us was happy about this. Because I would be at school for the foreseeable future, I knew that I would actually have to try and pay attention in class. Luckily for me, it seemed that listening to the teacher droning on and on was an excellent distraction from my thoughts and feelings.

Many of my classes were shared with Derek, thank God. But, unfortunately, there were some that I didn't share with him. The previous day I had just gone to Derek's classes but I had my own schedule since I was going to be here for a while and I needed to follow it. In the past I had barely even noticed the number of classes I had with different people, now it was the centre of my immediate concerns. Derek was my shield, I needed him to tell people to shut up when they were gossiping and to glare at them when they were staring. I couldn't protect myself for fear of crying. I was a weak little child and I fucking hated it! But I couldn't do anything about it…not yet anyway.

My second class for the day was Chemistry. Derek had Geography. Great. He walked me to the chemistry labs and made sure I had a seat at a station at the back before leaving me on my own. My stomach began to tie itself into knots.

"Hey Julian." A friendly voice greeted me and I jumped, startled at both the sudden noise and the fact that someone was talking to me. It was that girl from Hanover. Merril or something I thought her name was. "Sorry if I frightened you. Just saying hello. It's good to see you back." She said carefully, but still friendly, and walked past with a sincere smile, holding her boyfriend's hand, Spencer was it? He looked a little more wary but gave me a nod in greeting and took a seat next to Merril at the station next to the one I was sitting at. I noticed the room starting to fill up and began to rummage around in my bag so that I didn't have to sit awkwardly staring at the empty station in front of me.

"Hey, can I sit here?" Again, I jumped, looking around myself like a deer caught in the headlights until I saw the person who was asking the question. The last person I expected to see talking to me was asking to sit next to me at my station. Blaine Anderson. I gave a brief nod and carried on rummaging, my thoughts now going wild in my mind. Blaine was too connected to Kurt and Logan and the fire. I couldn't handle this. I couldn't handle this! My frantic thoughts were interrupted by Blaine, "I hope you don't mind being my lab partner." He said in a friendly voice, as if he hadn't noticed my silent panic attack. My eyes were darting around the room. _Can I escape now? Maybe I should just hide in the bathroom until Literature with Derek_. Blaine, on the other hand, carried on talking, "While you were gone there was an uneven number of people in the class and I didn't mind going by myself but I guess since you're back we might as well be partners." Before the fire, when I had actually been at school, I had been lab partners with a cute Hanover boy who had been good at Chemistry and not very good at anything else. It seemed he must have moved on, leaving me stuck here with Blaine. I hadn't even thought about lab partners and now my mind was too busy with trying desperately to think about something other than the dream about Kurt and Logan and what Blaine would do if he knew that they were such good _friends_. I gave a small nod of acknowledgement and turned back to rummaging in my bag. At least it was better than being stuck with Kurt… or Logan.

I spent lunch with Derek, sitting outside on a bench with our backs to the buildings so that I could pretend for the blissful hour that we were somewhere else. Some place where I didn't have to fear another bout of horrific memories or panic. The hour was spent in relative silence. Derek was my best friend but whether I liked it or not, I was still alone in my pain. He had said enough times over the last couple of days that he was "there to talk" and he "wants to understand" but when it came down to it, he hadn't been in the fire. He hadn't been forced to confess his most precious secret like I had. And no matter how many times I tried to explain the multitude of emotions or the nightmares, he _wouldn't_ understand. Not now and not ever. Something had changed between us. _I_ had changed.

Maths was the last lesson of the day and it was the only thing standing in the way of me fleeing Dalton for the safety of my hospital room. I entered the classroom and found it to be nearly full already. The back row was already taken. Fuck. Scanning the room, I considered my options: A seat in the front row in the middle of three loud Stuarts, no way; A seat in the middle of the second row but with an empty seat next to it, perhaps, and a seat on the end of the second to last row next to… Dwight Houston. Hmm. The first row was definitely out. The empty seats in the middle of the second row would probably be filled soon, leaving me squashed in-between people. That left the seat next to Dwight. It was the closest to the back, and on the end of the row, meaning I wouldn't feel claustrophobic. And Dwight had kind of proved himself the previous day to be better than I thought he was. At least it was better than sitting next to the Brightman twins, who were grinning identically at me from the back row. I kept my eyes down, avoiding the stares and whispers from the rest of the class and took the seat next to Dwight. Clearly he hadn't been expecting anyone to take it because he looked up in surprise and then back down again to the notebook he was writing in.

I waited for him to greet me, "Julian. You're still here." His voice was surprised and somehow didn't make me feel that he was disappointed about this.

"You managed to convince me, I guess." I said quietly.

"Good." He left the conversation at that and I didn't respond. Dwight was a good person to sit next to because he had no intention of speaking to me to fill the awkward silence, like Blaine in Chemistry or making me speak to draw me out of my shell, like Derek always wanted to do. Dwight was content to get on with his work and I found the lesson passed faster than expected.

* * *

The next day went slightly smoother and for a moment I thought I might actually be getting used to being back at school. That I might actually, somehow, be able to make this whole crazy thing work. The night before, the night of my second day back at Dalton, had been something of a miracle for me and had re-enforced my shaky belief that maybe things were getting better. I had returned to the hospital for my last night (I was moving into a hotel room the next day while Carmen found me a flat) and had lain in bed while I dreaded the sleep that I knew would eventually take me and force me to relive my darkest nightmares. I don't remember when I fell asleep but I found myself waking up the next morning after actually having had a pleasant night's sleep. No nightmares. No dreams even, just a solid sleep. Clearly my body's need for some proper rest was greater than my subconscious' evil plan to torture me with memories. It was my first proper sleep since the fire.

Filled with hope, I got to Dalton feeling for the first time like maybe I _could_ manage my life again. Derek seemed to notice the positive change in me and this affected him too. Grinning, he dragged me to our first lesson, History, while actually greeting a couple of freshman who stared at us, confused and very frightened.

I was in such a good mood that I even gave a small smile when, later in the morning, Derek left me outside the Advanced Calculus classroom and wished me good luck. I swallowed and actually tried to keep my smile on my face as I walked into the classroom. I tried to momentarily forget that this was the one class that I had only with Logan. In the days before the fire, Advanced Calculus was my favourite subject because it meant a whole forty-five minutes with Logan's full attention. No Blaine or Joshua or Kurt to distract him. He and I would sit at the back of the class and forget about the fact that we were supposed to be doing work and instead would be engrossed in each other. Or, at least, _I_ would become engrossed in _him_.

I walked with my head held high, convinced that somehow I would be able to handle it. But the minute I saw him sitting in his usual seat, with the seat next to him (my usual seat) empty and waiting for me, my entire good mood came crashing to a halt. A million memories came pouring into my mind and I froze in my tracks, my smile frozen into a terrified expression of fear and hurt as Adam laughed in my head and Kurt and Logan kissed amongst scorching flames. Tearing me back to reality, the teacher's voice called out to me, "Julian? Would you like to take your seat so that we can begin?"

Blinking back tears I ignored the teacher and blindly sat down in the first empty seat I saw, not trusting myself to even make it out the door without breaking down.

My quiet reassurance that the future might be brighter than I had emphatically believed it would be a week before, when I was screaming out in my sleep and having frequent panic attacks, was shattered in less than one minute.

I didn't notice anything around me for the forty-five minutes as I was seemingly stuck in my own personal hell. The lesson ended and by the time I had noticed, the classroom was empty of all the students and the teacher; all of whom had gone to lunch. I got slowly to my feet, with the intention of calling Carmen and getting a car to come and pick me up to take me back to the hospital. A soft hand landed on my shoulder and I let out a scream, which I might have been embarrassed about if it wasn't for the fact that I was a complete emotional wreck, and jumped away from the offending hand. Twisting around to see who it was, and shielding myself instinctively with my hands, I saw Logan with his hands in a surrendering position. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to frighten you!" he cried, clearly shocked by my reaction. Well, what the hell did he expect from me after all I had gone through?

I ignored him, turned and tried to flee the scene. Logan stopped me again with a touch of his hand, "Wait! Please, just let me speak-"

"Leave me alone." I said roughly, thinking that maybe if I acted aggressively he would be more inclined to do as I said.

"No, this is important, just hear me o-"

"I don't want to listen to anything you have to say." I cut across him, turning once more and walking away.

"JULIAN, _please_!" he shouted after me. Adrenaline turning into anger in my blood, I whirled around and said quickly, "I don't _want_ to talk to you. I want nothing more than to forget everything and the only way I can do that is if you leave me alone. Whatever you think you need to say to me is pointless. The fire happened, okay? It's changed everything and there is no going back. Trust me, I know. So please, if you want to make things better for me, if you ever felt any friendship for me, please just _leave me well alone_ and I might be able to actually survive the rest of my school life."

Much more than I had expected or intended poured out of my mouth and it stunned both me and Logan. Before he could respond, I quickly rushed off and just reached the bathroom around the corner before I threw up violently into the closest available toilet.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading, review if you have the time:)


	7. Chapter 7- RAMPAGE

**DISCLAIMER:****I do not own anything related to Glee or 'Dalton' by CP Coulter.**

Author's Note: Hi, I'm very sorry that this update has taken 17 days but I've just been super busy because I'm coming to the end of my school days. My last day of official school was on Thursday and so it was chock-a-block with tears and traditions (including ringing bells, white socks, going to the beach and running into the ocean in our uniforms and awards evenings with speeches and then finally some dancing at the end). Anyway, so now that I've got some "free" time before exams, which start on the 27th, I decided that I had better post another chapter. Here you go, hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 7**

_**RAMPAGE**_

I stared at Dr. _Flattery_ in horror. "What the hell is this?" I asked once I had found the ability to speak again. She seemed not to notice my shock and gave a quiet smile, "Come in and take a seat, Julian."

Realising that I wouldn't be getting any answers from her, I turned my eyes to Derek, who was sitting on the other side of the couch I usually sat on during my shrink-sessions.

"Derek, what the hell is going on?" I asked roughly. Why was Derek in my shrink-session!?

Derek at least had the decency to look slightly sheepish. "Surprise...?"

My anger flaring at his stupid attempt at making light of this nightmarish (and trust me, I knew nightmares well enough by now to be able to spot them) situation, I quickly spun around and made to rush out of the door.

"Jules, _wait_!" he called after me, jumping up from his seat. I paused, still seething, and gave him fifteen seconds to try and explain to me why I should even consider having my shrink-session with Derek.

"This was my idea. Not your mom's or Dr. Fleming's. I thought it would be good for the both of us. This is an opportunity for me to really understand what's going on with you. Please, just try."

His words actually managed to get through to me and I slowly turned around. Maybe this was a good thing. Maybe he _would_ finally be able to understand me. I slowly walked to the couch and we both sat down at the same time, glanced at each other for a moment and then turned to face Dr. _Flea market_ who was still smiling calmly back at us.

"Excellent. Well, let's start with you, Derek. What is it like having Julian back at school?"

Derek hesitated, slightly put off by her patronising tone of voice. Maybe this wasn't going to be so terrible. I might even get someone to gossip about Dr. _Fleece_ with after all of this. An image of Derek and I bonding over that sprung to my mind. My mood brightened and I settled down to listen, glad not to be the one speaking again.

"Uh… well, it's awesome. I mean, after everything that's happened, it's nice to finally have him back. It makes Dalton feel more normal, like before the fire."

She gave a solemn nod, "And what was it like at school just after the fire?"

"It wasn't so great. At first they wanted to shut down the school. We managed to stop that, Thank God. But even when we got back to school, I think we expected it to just go back to being the same, or I guess, we hoped it would- but it didn't. We were all still…shaken up, y'know?"

Another solemn nod. "And now that's Julian's back, its back to normal?"

Derek seemed to hesitate again, "Well… I guess not _normal_ exactly." My brow furrowed, what did he mean? "I mean, obviously it's great that Julian's back. But I guess, because he's…sad and angry _all the time_- it kind of puts a damper on everyone else's good moods."

Perhaps it was his tone of voice, more than his words, but I felt personally offended by his answer. My annoyance spiked and I couldn't help but interrupt, "Excuse me for being 'sad and angry _all the time_', Derek, but if you hadn't noticed, I went through a pretty traumatic experience."

Derek looked at me with slight surprise, "I know that Jules… but so did a lot of other people…and you don't see them…" he faded off, clearly unsure of what word to use.

"Whining?" I prompted, seriously pissed off now. Was he insinuating that I was some kind of cry-baby?

Derek gave a stern look, silently telling me to knock it off, "_No_, Jules, that's not what I meant. I just meant that you…y'know, have taken a bit longer than everyone else to get over it."

"_Get over it?_" I repeated, "Derek, you have no idea what it's like to go through what I went through. I can't just get over it!"

Derek was clearly past the point of trying to calm me down. Dr. _Flicker_ was obviously enjoying the growing argument that was unfolding before her eyes and didn't make any effort to control us. Not that I cared, I was more focussed on the fact that Derek was calling me a spoilt baby.

"God, Julian, I know that it isn't easy, but you weren't the only one in that fire! The twins and Charlie and Reed aren't like…_this_" he gestured to me, "and I'm just a bit confused as to why you're freaking out all the time!"

"Because none of them went through what _I did_!" I shouted at him.

His anger was also growing and in the back of my mind I reminded myself that I had known this whole thing would be a bad idea.

"Yes they did! They were all in that fire with Adam, they were all scared and messed up but-"

"You have _no idea_ what happened in that fire, Derek, so don't you _dare_ think that you do!" I screamed, the anger keeping the memories of the fire at bay for the moment.

"Yes I do-!"

"You weren't in the fire! You know don't know _shit_ about what I'm going throu-!"

"I know that you told Logan that you love him!" He screamed. I was shocked into temporary silence as he brought up the most taboo subject. "But it's not like that is the end of the world! Okay, so it was a bit embarrassing, but Logan is still your best friend, Adam's gone and everyone's safe so why are you still so _fucked_ _up_!?"

Getting up from the couch and rushing to the door, I started to run away from this toxic conversation and from the person that I thought was my best friend. Derek predicted this and managed to be out of his seat and across the small room before I could leave. He lay his hand on my shoulder, "Juli-"

But the hand on the shoulder had been a big mistake. It reminded me too much of Logan's hand on my shoulder after Advanced Calculus and I flipped, jerking out of his reach and sprinting out of the hospital to the car waiting to take me back to my hotel room. Memories and nightmares bombarded me from all directions as I flung myself into the car and curled up, trying to physically block the sounds of Kurt and Logan's moans from my ears.

* * *

Something changed in me. Somehow, the confrontation with Derek spurred something in me. It might have been the embarrassment at the fact that some of the stuff he had said was true. At least, true to anyone who hadn't been in the fire. And I guess he hadn't been so I couldn't really blame him for saying those things. Things like how I was the only one who was still so messed up over what had happened during the fire while others were seemingly fine. Of course, my experience was completely different to what Charlie went through. But I guess I could understand that someone who hadn't been there might not understand the intricacies of the consequences of Adam and his craziness. But nonetheless, Derek's insults and profanities flipped a switch in me. I was going to prove to him and to everyone else that I was _not_ a crazy, whiny cry-baby. I was Julian freaking Larson and I was going to prove to them all that I was made of stronger stuff. I wasn't going to cower away from Kurt or Logan because of something that had happened months ago. I didn't care about Logan anymore, if he wanted to be with Kurt then he could. If he wanted to go crazy and not take his medication then fine. I wasn't going to waste my time on him any longer. I had pined over him for three years. I had been too scared to tell him that I was even bisexual, let alone in love with him! But enough was enough.

So when the next morning came along, I was ready to face Dalton and whatever nightmarish memories that came up. Luckily, during the one morning class that I had with Derek, Literature, I was able to ignore him to enough of an extent that he soon left me alone and didn't get another opportunity to try and calm me down. I spent the lesson sitting once more directly behind Logan and Kurt and watched them as they whispered and leaned in close to each other. The sickened feeling only fuelled my determination.

Lunch was my window of opportunity. Kurt was walking from the Maths classrooms to the dining hall with Reed and I knew that this was my only chance. Stepping out from my hidden place on the edge of the hallway, I grabbed Kurt's upper arm and pulled him away from the other boys, out to the garden where there weren't many boys to overhear our conversation.

"Julian! What the hell-!" he exclaimed, trying to rip himself away from me.

"Shut the hell up, Kurt." I said forcefully and dragged him a small distance away from the main buildings.

"Let me go!" he was still struggling. God, how dare he even _speak_ to me! Fury and adrenaline was pulsing through my veins, clouding my judgement.

"Shut up and listen to me, Kurt. I've gone through a lot of shit and the last thing I need to have shoved in my face is your and Logan's relationship."

"Ju-"

I glared at him hard and ploughed on, "He's been through so much in the past three years and he's spent almost a year beating himself up over you. But you're _with Blaine_! And you've said that over and over again. You made your decision and I don't care how you feel now but you don't get to suddenly change your mind and drop Blaine for Logan!"

He looked flabbergasted at my words but I didn't recognise anything but my own anger, "I don't understand what you're saying, Julian, there isn't _anything_ going on between Logan and me!" he shouted shrilly, managing to wrench his arm away from my fierce grip. In my fury, I grabbed both of his shoulders and pulled him back towards me, "Don't lie to me! I can _see_ you two hanging off each other in Lit!" I spat in his face and shoved him away from me.

He stumbled backwards like the pathetic wimp he was, "_W-What_-?" he looked completely confused but also angry at my outburst.

"You may be a slut but _leave Logan alone_!" I shouted at him. For the first time since I had dragged him off, I noticed his expression of shock and anger. Luckily, he turned and rushed back to where Reed was standing a few metres away, staring frightened at me. Kurt touched Reed's arm and they rushed off. I stood, taking deep breaths and staring after them. Kurt didn't deserve Logan. No one deserved Logan. He was too good for everyone, including me. A crowd had gathered closer to the hallway and were still staring at me. I closed my eyes in frustration and stormed off away from the stares and further into a clump of trees.

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A/N: What did you think? Leave a review and let me know:D I'll hopefully post the next chapter sometime next week:) -Cloey


	8. Chapter 8- THE NEED FOR BELIEF

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything related to Glee or Dalton by CP Coulter.**

Author's Note: Hey guys, my exams begin tomorrow so this is just a warning that updates might take a little longer but I'll try to squeeze some in. Hope you enjoy chapter 8!

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**Chapter 8**

_**THE NEED FOR BELIEF**_

News of my rampage travelled fast. Mainly because many of the boys (and a few teachers) saw it first-hand. I arrived at school the next day and was immediately stopped by Derek who went on to lecture me about how I cannot go around, screaming at people. I was able to control my temper for only a couple of minutes before I burst out, "You know what, Derek!? Just shut the _fuck_ up! You don't kno-"

"Mr. Larson!" Murdoch stood imposingly a few feet away and Derek and I looked up at him. "Come with me. Dean Ramsey wants to see you."

I glared at the Stuart Head of House, "Excuse me, _Sir_," I said sarcastically, "But I was actually in the mi-"

"_No_ arguments, Larson. Come with me." He said angrily and grabbed my upper arm just as I had grabbed Kurt's the day before. I immediately jumped away, ripping myself away from any contact with him. Not wanting to appear frightened of the physical contact, at least when I was not the stronger, more in-control one, I covered it up with anger and said sharply, "I don't need your help to walk, do I?"

Murdoch raised his eyebrows ever so slightly and I got the feeling that maybe he could see through my cover but luckily he said nothing and I followed him to Dean Ramsey's office in silence, throwing a dark glare over my shoulder at Derek who was still standing where he had been lecturing me.

"Mr. Larson. Take a seat." Dean Ramsey was sitting behind her desk and I reluctantly took one of the two seats in front of her. Murdoch stood to the side of the room, crossing his arms and giving me a dark look. I couldn't decide whether to go with acting unconcerned or surly so I guessed my expression must have ended up somewhere in between the two.

"I'm sure you know why you're here, Julian." She said more softly. The fact that I knew that she was being softer than normal with me because I was clearly fucked up pissed me off more than I thought it would.

"If you're going to give me detention or whatever then just doit. Don't try to treat me like a baby!" I snapped at her.

She looked taken aback for a moment before she schooled her expression back into the same pity-filled one. "I'm not going to give you detention. You've been through enough." I glared at her again for bringing up the fire, however indirectly. The hate that fuelled the glare came mainly from the self-hate I felt. Where had my moment of calm clarity gone to? I thought that I had promised myself that I would prove to Derek that I _could_ forget the past and move on! I thought that I would be achieving some sort of healing effect by confronting Kurt about Logan but all it had done was make me even angrier about everything.

"What the hell do you know about what I've been through?!" I shouted, venom filling my words as I tried to blink back my angry tears.

I saw Murdoch frown even more and shift his weight to another foot in the corner of my eye while Dean Ramsey somehow managed to keep her expression unchanged.

"Well, I know that whatever happened with Kurt yesterday had something to do with the fire."

"No it _didn't_, it was about L-" I stopped myself before I could say anymore and took a deep breath. The Dean looked at me expectantly for a few seconds before she carried on, "Look, Julian, I'm not your therapist but maybe this whole thing is an indication that you aren't ready to be back at Dalton."

This made my blood boil more than anything else had the entire morning. I stood up abruptly, "_No!_" I shouted, "You people forced me to come back here when all I wanted was to get the hell out of Ohio and you're not allowed to suddenly tell me that I should leave!"

The Dean stood as well and Murdoch took a step in my direction, clearly getting ready to stop me from leaving, "That's not wh-" the Dean started to say but I cut her off, "You wanted me here so you're stuck with me because _I'm not leaving_!" I marched out of her office and was relieved when neither of them tried to follow me.

Looking at my watch and seeing I was late for the first lesson, I rushed around a corner and crashed solidly into Blaine.

* * *

"Oh, I'm so sorry-!" Blaine immediately straightened his blazer and started to apologise in his Blaine-the-dapper-Warbler voice. When he caught sight of who he had bumped into, though, he stopped speaking and stared, emotions clearly running through his mind at a-mile-a-minute as his expression changed from shock to unease to anger.

"-You!" he spluttered while I straightened my blazer as well and waited for him to start defending his precious Kurt, "What the hell is going on with you!? Why did you attack Kurt like that yesterday?!"

I tried not to get too annoyed with Blaine because I was sure that Kurt's seductiveness must be why he, like Logan, was so captivated and didn't actually notice the disgusting affair that was happening right under his nose. In the end, Blaine was simply an innocent guy caught in all the mess and I had no reason to hate him. "I did not attack him." I stated as calmly as I could, "You should be grateful to me, Blaine. What Kurt and Logan are doing is wrong and I'm sorry that you have to be involved with it all. With this and the fire. I'm sorry about that too." I added in the last part before I could chicken out. I guessed if I was apologising then I might as well cover everything.

Blaine's expression softened into a neutral-weary one and most of his anger disappeared.

"You've got it all wrong. There's nothing going on between Kurt and Logan. Logan said that he was trying to get over Kurt and he has been."

"Kurt's lying to you! I see them together in Lit! They cuddle and whisper and it's disgusting!" I needed him to believe me. I needed to have some kind of ally in this. I knew what I saw and I wasn't going to let Kurt lie to anyone else.

"I trust Kurt. Logan's promised me that he's done with Kurt and that's it. Please, just let it go."

"Why don't you believe me? I know what I see and Kurt's been manipulating you both!" I grew more frantic. Why wouldn't he just listen to me!? Kurt was corrupting Logan by making him lose control again and now he was putting lies into Blaine's head as well!

"Kurt's not doing anything, Julian!" Blaine was still trying to use the calm voice of his but it wasn't working. I was sick and tired of having people think that I was crazy. Even if I was. If Blaine wanted to believe Kurt and his sick lies then clearly nothing I was going to say would be able to convince him otherwise.

"Forget it, Blaine. You can believe whatever rubbish Kurt comes up with but I've seen him and Logan together and I can _see_ him ruining Logan's life all over again!"

With that, I turned and stormed off to my first lesson, History, for which I was extremely late, and left Blaine standing in the hallway looking bewildered. Whatever, I didn't care. If everyone wanted to take Kurt's side on this then so be it. But I still wasn't going to sit back and let Logan get hurt once more over some foolish boy that wasn't me. Because when it came down to it, after everything that had happened with the fire, Adam, my nightmares and the pain it caused me every time I even thought about him, I was still in love with Logan.

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A/N: Thanks again for reading this, leave a review if you can. -Cloey


	9. Chapter 9- SCENTS AND SANDWICHES

**DISCLAIMER****: I do not own anything related to Glee or Dalton by CP Coulter.**

Author's Note: Hey guys. Here's the ninth chapter and finally some progress in a certain rocky relationship. Sorry if this chapter seems a bit short, it just is how I write: in short, concentrated bursts. Hope you guys enjoy and I'll try to update next week some time.

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**Chapter 9**

_**SCENTS AND SANDWICHES**_

I spent the rest of the day with my head down, trying to ignore the increase in stares and whispers. It seemed like Kurt had gotten to everyone in the whole fucking school. Including the teachers! I was pretty sure that I even saw kind Ms. Medel shoot me a dark look when I passed her in the hallway on the way to lunch. Derek grudgingly brought me some food from the dining hall while I waited a little way away in the garden but left as soon as he had handed me the sandwiches and apple. _Okay, don't sit with me then._ I thought sarcastically as he hurried away. I didn't understand Derek's reaction to my outburst at all. He didn't even like Kurt! I thought that he at least would understand why I had done what I did, seeing as though he was also sitting behind them in Lit and could see, just I like could, the way they cuddled up and whispered to each other. Surely it made Derek as sick as it made me? And okay, maybe the way I went about confronting Kurt was a little unnecessary, but actually I thought it was very effective. I had made enough of a scene for people to notice and start talking about it and it had embarrassed Kurt enough to, hopefully, make him think twice before he put on another show for me with Logan in Lit. Taking a large bite out of one of the sandwiches Derek had brought me, I noticed it was ham and cheese and I _knew_ that I had told Derek that I specifically hated ham and cheese sandwiches. Clearly he was trying to piss me off. Chucking the sandwich into a nearby bin and just restraining myself enough so that I didn't spit out the bite I had in my mouth, I forced myself to swallow and then checked the other sandwich before I took a bite: cheese and tomato. Thank God!

I made my way to my usual lunchtime bench where Derek and I normally sat. I hadn't been sitting for more than two minutes before suddenly someone sat down next to me. I must have been too far into my thoughts to hear the person approaching. I didn't need to look up to know who it was. Firstly, because I could see his second-best pair of black school shoes. Secondly, because I could just somehow _sense_ his presence. And thirdly, I could smell the distinct and intoxicating scent of pure Logan: a mix of his aftershave, the washing powder used on his clothes and the soap his used twice a day in the shower. I was particularly tuned to this smell because it was the same scent that I had tried, and failed, to replicate once; a year ago when I was missing Logan while in L.A. I had gotten a new shirt, washed it with the same washing powder, rubbed the tiniest bit of his aftershave into it and then used his soap myself and worn the shirt for an hour or two. When it ended up smelling disgusting and nothing like Logan, I had yelled in frustration at the time and energy I had wasted and the hopes that had been dashed and chucked the stupid thing away, embarrassed at the ridiculous attempt at being closer to Logan.

Reminiscing about the better times in my life, I waited for Logan to make the first move and get this argument started. I didn't want to fight with Logan but if even Derek was on Kurt's side then unfortunately so would Logan be. Like Blaine, he was blinded by love.

"Why did you confront Kurt yesterday?" his voice showed clearly that he was trying to restrain his anger. I wondered briefly about what had happened to his medication.

Well, since this was going to end up as a screaming match anyway, there was no point in trying to avoid it. In fact, from experience I knew that the sooner the shouting happened, the sooner we could get this over and done with and the sooner Logan or I would storm off.

"Because he's fucking with you!" I shouted, getting up from the bench because I couldn't stand being so close to Logan. Logan wasted no time in becoming just as angry as I was and the shouting match began.

"What the hell are you talking about!?"

I took a step back as he stood up as well, "Don't act stupid, you idiot! Kurt is stringing you and Blaine along! Blaine still thinks he's with Kurt and you think Kurt is only with you! It's disgusting and I couldn't just stand by and see Kurt-"

"Stop it! Stop talking about Kurt like that! He isn't doing anything wrong!"

"_Me _stop it? _YOU_ stop it! Stop trying to protect him! You and the rest of the entire school! All you want to do is protect Kurt and it's shit! Kurt is the problem here! He's messing with everyone! I know that you love him bu-"

"_I_ _don't_ _love_ _him_!" he screamed. I stopped and we stared at each other for a couple of minutes, both breathing heavily from the exertion of the shouting match. This one was over. At least that was something we both understood: when the shouting match was over and when it was time to calm down.

I returned to the bench and sat down. Instead of storming of like he usually did, he took the seat next to me and the strangely peaceful silence continued until Logan said, conversationally, "I saw you throw one of your sandwiches away."

Not even thinking about the randomness of this train of thought, I picked up the conversation and said, "Yeah, it was ham and cheese."

He gave a faint smile, "Huh, my favourite," he paused before saying, "I thought you loved it too."

"I did. Now it kind of makes me feel sad." I said quietly. I had loved ham and cheese ever since Logan had introduced it to me early on in freshman year. It was famous for being his favourite. But then someone must've told the nurses at the hospital that I loved it and bought me one when I had first woken up. I had taken one bite, been reminded of Logan and the fire and had promptly thrown up. Since then just the thought of it made me want to vomit and I had declared that I hated them.

"Oh, well maybe next time I'll eat your ham and cheese one and you can have my cheese and tomato." He said, offering up another small smile. Was he really making a gesture of friendship?

After everything that had happened? I didn't know if I was ready to be friends with him. I didn't know if I _could_ be friends with him. But…I wanted to try.

I allowed one of my famous smirks to blossom on my lips, "Deal."

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A/N: I have also recently discovered the greatness that is Teen Wolf and, in particular, Sterek so I'm thinking maybe I should write a Sterek fanfic sometime. What do you guys think? -Cloey


	10. Chapter 10- BREAKING DOWN AND REBUILDING

**DISCLAIMER ****: I do not own anything related to Glee or Dalton by CP Coulter.  
**

Author's Note: Hi, I have a couple of days off before my next exam and I was beta-reading some other stories so I figured that while I was here I might as well post the next chapter. Hope you enjoy!

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**Chapter 10**

_**BREAKING DOWN AND REBUILDING**_

"I-uh- spoke to Logan today." I said hesitantly. I was sitting across from Dr. _Flight-attendant_ a few hours after school had finished. After my last session with her had ended with me and Derek fighting worse than ever, you can understand my reluctance at going back. This time though, it was just me and Dr. _Floppy_ and I was relieved. Through the ups and downs and frustration and nightmares, my shrink-sessions were at least one thing that had been kind of constant.

She smiled, "How did it go?"

"Okay, I guess…"

"So did you discuss your confrontation with Kurt?" she asked. My eyebrows shot up but I stopped myself from asking how the fuck she knew about my confrontation with Kurt. I didn't think I wanted to know who was passing information about me on to my therapist. "Yeah. He said that he's not in love with Kurt." I didn't really like talking about such private stuff with Dr. _Flimsy_ but since she already seemed to know about it, I figured that I might as well give her the story straight from the horse's mouth rather than her hearing rumours about it later from whatever source she had been using to keep track of me.

"And how do you feel about that?" she asked the predictable next question.

"Good-uh- I-I mean, I believe him. I really don't think he would lie about something like that. Not to me, at least."

"Why are you so sure he wouldn't lie about it to you?"

I was slightly confused by this question of hers. "Uh… because he just wouldn't lie about it to me. It's just- not what he would do. If he was with Kurt then he'd tell me. He's never been very good at keeping his feelings bottled up. Not like me."

There was silence in the office for a while as she continued to write something down.

I decided that I didn't feel like talking much after that and Dr. _Floater_ let me go ten minutes before the hour was officially up since it was clear that I was done for the day.

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Time passed both slowly and quickly. Sometimes hours would rush by and I'd find myself back in yet another session with Dr. _Florentine _and other times I would sit and pray to God for the clock to hurry up and let me leave whichever lesson (or shrink-session) I was in.

My time with Logan had become an increasing number of minutes every day: first only in Advanced Calc., since I still couldn't face Lit with Kurt and Logan together, but then gradually at lunchtimes too as he had taken to joining me in the garden and sometimes even afterschool in the library when I occasionally stayed to do homework. Nothing magically changed about me fundamentally. I still got horrific nightmares and more than once I had to suddenly leave the classroom because someone would say something that made me think about the fire.

Once it just took the sight of little Reed tripping over nothing and making a small gasp of pain (a sound shockingly similar to the many gasps of agony that had escaped him during the fire) as he fell to the ground in the hallway a couple of metres away from me to drag me into a vision of flame, smoke and screaming. I turned and bolted away from the suffocating hallway and into the fresh air of the garden. It hadn't been a very good day on the whole and so I guessed later on that that might have been why I was extra sensitive to Reed's gasp. And the faint touch of someone's hand landing comfortingly on my shoulder did anything but comfort me. I jerked away from the hand and spun around. It was Logan. We had been on the way to lunch from Advanced Calc. The fact that it was Logan and that he had put his hand specifically on my shoulder (a known trigger area for me ever since that one time) didn't help my state of mind. Logan raised his hands in a surrendering gesture and took a step back. "Calm down, Jules. It's just me." He said quietly.

A couple of tears escaped down my cheeks and I hurriedly wiped them away as I realised that I was being ridiculous and immediately felt embarrassed for going ballistic over a couple of harmless things. Especially since Logan was the one who had to witness it. I sank to the ground where I was standing and dropped my head into my hands. Logan sat down next to me and placed two sandwiches cautiously onto my lap. Cheese and tomato.

"Why do you keep your feelings bottled up, Julian?" he asked suddenly. The question caught me by surprise. I looked up at him in confusion. Why was he asking a question like that?

"What do you mean? I'm clearly not in control of them, if you hadn't noticed." I gestured around myself, sitting in the dirt with smudges of tears on my cheeks, freaking out over someone touching my shoulder. Logan gave me a look as if to say _Stop pissing around and answer the question, you don't fool me._ "Why _did_ you keep your feelings bottled up then? Before…" _the fire, that was._

I tried once more to beat around the bush, not wanting to talk about _feelings_ with Logan, "It's what I've always done. I'm an actor." I said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He didn't say anything and instead waited expectantly for me to carry on with the same expression on his face as before. After a while, his expression suddenly softened, just for a second and that was it. That was all it took for me to suddenly start pouring out my darkest thoughts to him, "Because when I do let my feelings out- like I did in the fire… it just screws everything up. And now I'm fucked up and I'm fucking everything up for everyone because I can't seem to stop. I'm trying to keep it in again but the minute I see something or hear something that triggers a memory or a nightmare… I just freak out and then say something stupid or make someone angry. And then no one understand why I did it and-" I break off as I realise I'm about to start crying again. Loganlooks at me with a neutral expression and waits for me to go on. I thank him silently for not trying to comfort me by saying it was going to be alright or something shitty like that, "-and it's just makes me more fucked up because I feel like I'm right back at the beginning where I have a secret and I can't let it out and I'm trying not but then it's forced out anyway-" this time I stop talking because of the sob that is threatening to escape and try to turn my face away from him.

"By Adam." He says softly. I wasn't sure when he had scooted closer to me and taken my hand in his but suddenly I looked down and realised that my left hand had been enveloped by one of Logan's larger, slightly rougher ones. I looked at it for a while as if it was some sort of alien before I returned to the conversation, "I don't want to think about Adam." I said quietly.

"But you have to. You have to face him, Jules." He said with a little more force. The use of my nickname gave me some weird, constricting feeling in my chest and I had to fight down the memories from erupting before my eyes. I swallowed, "That's impossible."

"I can make it possible. Please just trust me."

I wasn't quite sure what he was actually trying to say, my mind had too much going on: from the warmth of my hand in his, the embarrassment of the situation, the urge to cry and fighting to keep the memories and nightmares at bay. But somehow, through all of that, I managed to understand some of his underlying message: Logan was going to help, Logan was going to take care of me.

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A/N: As always, reviews are encouraged! Hope you liked it:) -Cloey


	11. Chapter 11- A VISIT WITH THE DEVIL

**DISCLAIMER:**** I do not own anything related to Glee or Dalton by CP Coulter. **

Author's Note: Hello everyone! This is (unfortunately, I'm sorry) one of the shorter chapters. But! It's also the second to last so I hope you're all excited to read the conclusion to this story- especially because I read through it again the other day and it's everything that I wanted it to be so I'm really happy with it. But before we get to the ending, Julian has something very important to do. This was one of the main things that I wanted to happen in this story, right from the beginning, and it signifies a huge step in his healing process. So, please, enjoy!

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**Chapter 11**

_**A VISIT WITH THE DEVIL**_

Most of the population of Westville, Ohio was ignorant to the fact that there was a devil lurking in their midst. My worst nightmare. He might not have been an actual murderer or rapist but he was, in my eyes, as dangerous as Satan himself. Adam Clavell was separated from me by one simple wall. Okay, and two burly guards. But still. The tough-looking middle-aged woman told me and Logan (and Carmen, who had insisted that she come along as well) that Adam was in a good mood today. I didn't have much time to process the information because my mind was buzzing and screaming at me to run. Adam's lawyer was trying to get his jail sentence reduced by claiming madness, which was why he was staying in the Westerville mental institute until his trial. The guards stepped aside, the door was opened and Logan, who had been holding my hand since we had left my hotel, gave my hand a squeeze and told me he would be waiting right outside the door when I was done. The rules were that there had to be at least one guard in the room with me and Adam at all times but I had to hold myself back from asking the other guard, the nurse, Carmen _and_ Logan to come in with me. Logan seemed to see the spike of panic in my face as the door was pushed open and anticipated what I was going to say, "No, Jules, you'll be fine."

I gazed up at him for a second longer before gritting my teeth and stepping into the white, sterile room.

The door was shut and locked behind me and then there was silence as only me, Adam and one of the guards were left alone. The room was small but very clean and neat. Adam was sitting alert in a chair by his bed. He eyes were shining with unshed tears. He was grinning with awe like it was Christmas day and he had just woken up to find the present he had been waiting for all year underneath the tree. My eyes widened with horror as I realised that _I_ was the Christmas present.

"_Julian_!" he exclaimed in wonder but luckily didn't make to approach me. His voice cracked with lack of use. He didn't look unhealthy per se but he didn't look as sickly and rotten as I had guessed he might have.

I stared. Here was the person who had ruined my entire life. Or at least that was what I blamed him for in that moment. How could he look so normal?! How could he look so _happy_!? Didn't he know what he had done to me!?

"I knew you would come! I knew you would realise that I was right!" he said gleefully and seemed to bounce up and down in his seat like an excited child. "We're meant to be together!"

I choked on my own spit at those words and the manner in which he said them. How could he just be so normal and happy when I was struggling with trying not to cry every time I went to school? I wasn't sad in that moment, I was angry. I wasn't afraid, I was _livid_.

"You don't get to be happy." I said quietly.

Adam didn't seem to hear me, he only carried on smiling.

"You don't get to be happy." I repeated, louder, thinking maybe Adam would finally react. He didn't.

"You will suffer!" I yelled at him. I heard the guard shift uneasily behind me but I didn't spare it a second's thought. Adam flopped down onto his bed and grinned up at the ceiling, whispering, "He's _back_!"

"_You_ _will_ _suffer_!" I screamed suddenly, the sound echoing around the room and ringing in my ears. It seemed to have caught Adam's attention as well. He sat up and seemed to have finally understood what I was saying. His expression changed from bliss to one of shock and defeat. _Yes!_ That was what I wanted to see in his eyes! The realisation that he would _never_ control me. The defeat of his lose. Not pausing to allow it to change, I memorised the expression and quickly turned away from him. The guard opened the door and my hand immediately latched onto Logan's as we made our way quickly to the car. I shook my head at Carmen as she opened her mouth to ask how it had gone.

I endured the car drive all the way back to the hotel before dragging Logan up to my room and collapsing onto my bed. Logan sat down cautiously next to me and I didn't protest when he put an arm around me. In fact I took it as a sign to finally allow the emotion through and I felt myself deflate. Few tears came and I wasn't surprised, I didn't want to cry over Adam anymore.

"I know how I can cheer you up." Logan announced after a couple of minutes of peaceful silence.

"How?" I asked. I felt lighter after the visit with Adam.

"Come to prom with me." He said. I lifted my eyes to his in surprise, a frown blossoming on my face instinctively. When I saw that he was being serious, I gave a little chuckle: John Logan Wright III had actually just asked me to Junior Prom. What a dream come true.

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A/N: I'm thinking of maybe posting the next chapter tomorrow already because this chapter was very short and I feel kind of bad. Let me know what you guys thought of it. -Cloey:)


	12. Chapter 12- INSTINCTIVE

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything related to Glee or Dalton by CP Coulter. **

Author's Note: Hello! As I promised myself, here is the next chapter! Unfortunately it is the last chapter of this story- but that's okay because it's the best one(in my opinion)! There's a more detailed A/N at the end so I'm going to shut up and let you read. I hope you enjoy!

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**Chapter 12**

_**INSTINCTIVE**_

"Where's Casey?" I asked as Logan and I approached Derek. The hall in which we were standing was amazingly decorated, even we, the boys, could appreciate the effort that must have gone into it and I was pretty sure that it wasn't just the girlfriends cooing over the centrepieces on the tables. All three of us were wearing our best suits, though I had managed to stop Logan from going all cheesy on me and declared in a dead-pan voice that, "If you even _think_ about getting me a corsage, Squid, I will personally chop up your balls." In the weeks since my visit with Adam, I had definitely grown closer to Logan and didn't freak out _every_ time he said something about Kurt. As we stood in front of Derek, our hands were casually linked, like they were most times we were together nowadays. Derek didn't mention our joined hands though I was certain he looked like he wanted to giggle in delight. I sent him a small glare and he tried to act innocent.

"She's over there, talking to Katherine and Sullivan. Looks like the wedding's happening sooner rather than later." He gestured to where David had his arm slung around his girlfriend's waist. Casey was clearly making a joke and the three laughed. Derek grinned goofily at the sight of his soon-to-be-girlfriend-again having fun. Derek was so far gone, that was clear enough to see but Casey was making him work to win her back. It wouldn't be long now, though. She loved him too. Logan and I exchanged a smile at our best friend who was also getting some sort of a happy ending, which was all of us who had been in the fire really wanted at the end of the day: some measure of peace, safety and happiness. Speaking of happiness; the twins, grinning like idiots, danced energetically (and seemingly synchronised-ly) past our trio, supporting two twin girls- their dates, I presumed. God knows where they had happened to find identical girl-twins to be their dates. Remembering to make a mental note of not trying the punch (because it had likely been tampered with by those two chemistry geeks, Drew and Saturn-or-whatever), I saw Merril and Spencer dancing together and on the other side of the hall, Charlie and Justin were having a discussion about something that looked rather serious, maybe they had discovered the twins' plan and were trying to rectify the situation like the leaders they were. Little Reed and Anderson's brother, Shane were kissing in a corner and I was pretty sure that Murdoch, one of the chaperones, was about to go and break them up.

To say that it was the perfect night would be a lie. The hall was a little too crowded and I had had a small panic attack when I was bumped into by a couple of people while dancing with Logan but the memories were kept at bay for the time being and my visit with Adam really _had_ released something in me.

"You know, I was thinking it might be time for you to move back into Stuart." Logan said as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me ever so slightly closer to him. Our friendship was still growing and there were times of awkwardness but I was as in love with him as I had ever been and at the end of the day we hadn't found it difficult to revert back to our usual 'The Princess and the Squid' ways, bantering and bickering included.

"It would be a huge change…" I said hesitantly. Truth be told, I didn't know if I would ever be ready to return as a boarder. I didn't want to overdo it.

"You belong in Stuart. You came back to school, didn't you? You confronted Adam, didn't you?" I stiffened slightly at the reminder of Adam and the fire but relaxed as I felt one of Logan's hands moving in circles on my back, comforting me. "You thought that those things would be impossible but you did them. Coming back to Stuart is just the next step." He said.

"Jeez, when did you get so wise? You're supposed to be the _ignorant_ squid, remember?"

He chuckled and my eyes wandered around the hall. Kurt's blue eyes caught mine and I knew that the time had come. "I'll be right back, I need to do something real quick."

"Wh-?" he started to ask but when he followed my eyes and saw Kurt looking over, he guessed what my intentions were. "Of course." He said and removed his arms from around my waist. I felt his eyes on the back of my head as I made my through the crowd. Kurt was standing with Blaine and Wes on the side of the hall, surprisingly not dancing with his boyfriend, which was what he had been doing for most of the evening so far.

"Hummel." I said as I came to a stop in front of the countertenor. Blaine and Wes surreptitiously inched away a couple of metres and picked up a very intense-looking conversation with Dwight, who was holding a spray bottle and eyeing the punch suspiciously. "As a fellow diva, I'm sure you understand how difficult it is for me to apologise for anything." I stated. Sure, I was here to make amends with him, but that didn't mean that my nightmares would disappear from my memory. Like with my pain and guilt, my hate for Kurt and the hurt that I felt when I saw him and Logan together was going to take a while to settle down and disappear. He nodded and waited for me to continue.

"But…I _am_ sorry, Kurt. As reluctant as I may be to say it aloud, I am and I guess I needed to let you know that before I can move on with my life. If I can ever properly move on." I added.

"I'm sorry too, Julian. I'm sorry for being involved with everything and I'm so sorry for everything you've had to endure. It shouldn't have happened like that." By 'it' I supposed he meant my confession to Logan during the fire. I tried to shrug and act nonchalant but I knew that Kurt could clearly see my pain, "What happened is over. All I want now is a chance to move on. And for him to know that if things had been different I wouldn't have dumped it all on him like that… God knows if it had been different…" I said, holding in the tears and deciding that I should probably stop talking. I may have been trying to move on and apologise to Kurt but I wasn't ready just yet to start sharing secrets and braiding hair.

"He knows, Julian." He said and if I hadn't been so surprised to hear him say it, I might have been angry at his assurance of my Logan's thoughts. I didn't answer and there was a lull in the conversation before Kurt said suddenly and as if he had been debating saying it at all but had decided to just spit it out, "He loves you, you know." My eyes widened with shock, "He really does. I think he always has, but he's just realising now."

"You're making that up." I said, accusingly. How dare Kurt make up lies about Logan! He shook his head and his expression made me pause. He looked completely serious. "He does. You just haven't noticed it yet."

My anger at Kurt long forgotten, I turned with wide eyes to find Logan, tall and blonde and beautiful, standing by the DJ's station, talking to Bailey. He had his back to me and he was standing on the opposite side of the hall but something in me gave way and I felt a rush of hope spring through me. Leaving Kurt, I pushed my way through the crowd, not noticing the rest of the world. I stopped behind him and tapped him on the shoulder, "Hey, Logan?" I asked.

Feeling my tapping and hearing my voice, he turned around and saw it was me. His eyes lit up and he instinctively reached out to wrap an arm around my waist, pull me closer and I found myself, just as instinctively, craning my neck slightly and meeting his lips halfway in a slightly chaste, loving and somehow familiar kiss. It was the most natural thing in the world. There was no fuss or ceremony. Just Logan and Julian.

The kiss didn't last very long and he pulled back and looked at me with a special smile, "Yeah Jules?" he asked. I forgot my question and instead pulled him by the hand towards the dance floor, "I like this song, come dance with me."

It didn't matter that it was in the middle of some random song that I didn't give a shit about, all I wanted to do was be with Logan. To be with the boy I felt the safest and the most loved with. Screw my memories or nightmares! Fuck the fire and Adam! I wasn't going to worry about my appointment with Dr. _Fly-by-night_ on Monday! I was going to spend these precious moments with Logan if it killed me. He leaned down to kiss me again but pulled away when a familiar song came on. A song that tugged at my heart. _Beautiful_. Not my cover version from the Valentine's fair exactly but the same song nonetheless. I looked around in surprise but no one else seemed to be worrying. Or even notice anything different. Except for Logan, who gave a sheepish smile. How would Logan know about this song? I raised an eyebrow at him and asked suspiciously, "What do you know about this song, Squid?"

He gave an awkward chuckle and said, "So Bailey _may_ have recorded your song and given me the CD…"

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Author's Note: Oh wow! I always am so surprised when I finish a story and this is no exception! I can't believe that I actually managed to finish this one because I wasn't too sure of the direction of it at all when I sat down and wrote the first scene of chapter one. And I guess you get a sense of that unprepared-ness in the slightly haphazard way that the story progresses. But nonetheless, I really enjoyed writing this story even if it cost me many hours of precious studying time. As for the ending of the story, I hope you liked the way that I left things and the way Jules and Lo finally go together(as was ALWAYS the plan). Thanks so much for reading and I hope you'll leave your thoughts and comments in a review. –Cloey :)


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